Maybe I'm pregnant?

I'm guessing that got your attention. Have you ever had moments like me when you notice you're starting to put on some pounds and you almost kind of hope that you're pregnant? Not that I'm interested in having any more babies, but it'd be a better excuse to gaining weight than what the actual reality is- that my eating is getting a little out of control. Jill posted today about looking at recent pictures of herself and feeling like she needs to make some changes toward a thinner Jill. It got me thinking about me- my body- my body image. I think most women have these moments. In your mind's eye you think you look one way, and then you really see yourself. I have had these moments over and over and over again.

I got a big reality check after we took family pictures back in the winter of 2005. I felt pretty good that day. Greg has a way of convincing me that I look good- and I appreciate that!- but in reality I did not. I decided that I had no more excuses. I would not be getting pregnant again. My body was my own now. No more excuses. So off I went to Weight Watchers. It worked really well for my mom and now it worked for me. I learned how to eat better. I lost 40 lbs. I wasn't as thin as I wanted to be, but I at least I was closer to where I should be. I realized that now I was at a weight that I was more comfortable in my skin and I wouldn't use my weight as an excuse to not do things like take the kids swimming. I made peace with my new self. I'm never going to be Shannon (my cute sister in law who is perfectly thin even when she's 9 months pregnant! :)) I can't compare my shape to her and others like her. I do not have her awesome genes- I just hope my girls do! :) I also realized as much as I don' t like being fat, I also don't like exercise. Maybe someday I'll get there, but no luck so far!

Anyhow, fast forward to now. I've been putting on a few pounds since the holidays... not a lot, but enough for me to notice. I think I eat better but I still eat too much of those better things. I just got tired of writing it all down. Keeping track of every bite is a pain. I resent that this is something I have to deal with every day for the rest of my life! But I guess it works- especially when I can't seem to get into a routine of regular exercise. When I caught myself looking at the pile of "fat clothes" in my closet, I knew I was in trouble. The thought crossed my mind to pull some things out of there. That can not be an option anymore so...off to Goodwill they go (some of this is Greg's too as he's lost some weight lately.) Feels good- and I love having an organized closet again!

I'm trying to be brave-- feeling a little vulnerable, but I hope putting my thoughts out there will give me the push I need to be more accountable and get back on track. :)